Both Sides Now: A True Story of Love, Loss and Bold Living. by Nancy Sharp

Author:Nancy Sharp [Sharp, Nancy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2014-06-02T23:00:00+00:00

Finally We Had an Answer

IN DECEMBER YOU WERE SO WEAK THAT YOU staggered when you walked. I wouldn’t remember the exact incident that led us to the hospital until I checked my journal and saw that you had taken a bad fall in our home. You fell and could not keep yourself upright again. It was as though you had forgotten how to walk.

I wouldn’t even remember that you spent five days at the hospital, where a final MRI was done, revealing the worst possible news: your cancer had spread throughout your head in diffuse chunks of tumor. By then, Dr. Finlay had relocated to Los Angeles. I was with your parents when Dr. Sharon Gardner called. We had left you at the hospital moments before and were headed back to the apartment. Your dad was driving. Dr. Gardner had already consulted with Uncle Harvey, Dr. Finlay, and someone at Memorial Sloan-Kettering. All were in agreement that your options had run out. “There is nothing left that we can do but keep him comfortable,” Dr. Gardner said.

At once your dad pulled over on a side street, and the three of us sat stunned and crying in the car. The news didn’t surprise us — we knew you were dying before Dr. Gardner made it official — it was just that there was a finality to it, a sense of urgency, a dividing line we would be forced to accept.

I can’t say for how long we remained in the car, or what words we said to comfort one another. But by the time we went home to face the twins, we had composed ourselves enough to be present for them. It was what they needed. It was what you would have wanted.

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